Posted by: thebestthingscomeintwos | June 8, 2009

We Cried it Out.

I’m not sure where to begin  this post.  The guilt that is eating me alive right now is also dictating what I feel I should write.   I have this feeling that 20 years from now my sons will read this and a light bulb will suddenly go off.  “Oh, she let me cry it out, thats why I’ve felt so abandoned all these years.”   “It all makes sense now,” my grown son will say.  Or perhaps, “she let me cry it out so I have spent my life being emotionally shut off from everyone around me, Thank you mom for ruining my life when I was six months old.”   

Ok, perhaps I am letting my imagination get the best of me, but I let my babies scream for nearly an hour today.  An hour when I could have totally gone to them.  Its not like I was doing anything besides listening to them scream. Give me a break, it was waaay traumatic! 

This whole crying it out idea is one I have been playing with for a few weeks, um, months now.   Here’s the thing, the boys go down pretty well at night.  10 min of crying, MAX.  They do not however, nap.   They don’t nap at all.  They sleep maybe 10 t0tal minutes between when they wake up in the morning and when they go to sleep for the night.  By 4pm everyday, they are miserable.   Beyond miserable actually, more like unbearable until 8 when they finally go to bed.  

I have tried every single thing I know/have read about and nothing seems to help them.  There are only 2 things that work: one is a car ride, and I am not going to start that habbit.  The other is snuggling with mom.  The very second they are put down, they scream as if they are in horrible pain.  On days when we happen to be in the car and or they happen to nap in my arms, they are completely different babies.  They are happy.  They enjoy playing.  They can be sat down for longer than 30 seconds before they scream! 

Anyways, after literally 2 months of spending every single afternoon fighting with them over sleep, I decided to give CIO a try.  It nearly killed me.  I asked the Pedi his opinion at our last appt.  He said to go for it and not to look back.   He also told me to let them cry for (gulp) an entire hour before going in.  Oh.my.lord.   It was the longeset 42 minutes of my life. 

Yep, thats how long it took.  42 minutes for there to be silence in the room.    I spent those 42 minutes pacing in the back yard, staring at the clock, listening over the monitor and eating graham crackers smeared with chocolate frosting.  (I love being a stress eater, its sooo good for my figure.)  I stopped counting after two, so I’m really not sure how many I downed.  Actually, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know. 

42 minutes.  It felt like an eternity.  Here’s the real kick in the face though.  Neither baby slept longer than 20 minutes.  I went through 42 minutes of agony and hell for less than half hour naps?   The boys were awake at the same time and they both rewarded me with HUGE grins. 

For a fleeting second, I though it was worth it.  They are smiling and happy right now.   They don’t hate me after all.  They don’t have serious abandonment issues and they are not going to shut down emotionally from having been left alone.    ugh.  4pm rolls around and the the boys are miserable as ever.   They are exhausted.   I rock them both to sleep only to have them wake up the very second I attempt to sit them down.   I try feeding them, pushing them in their stroller, swinging on the porch.  Nada.  They just want to snuggle with their mama.  They want to feel safe and protected and loved. 

My heart is ripped in two.  I know, they need to learn for themselves no matter how cruel it may seem.  I know they  need more sleep.  8 hours out of 24 is just not enough for such little guys.   But as we sit on the swing, I hear two contented sighs and peek down at those two bald  heads snuggled against my chest.   Is this really so bad?   Can’t they continue to nap in my arms indefinitely?  Won’t I long for these days when they are gone?  

My turn for the deep sigh.  I don’t know what to do.  We will see what tomorrow brings.  I will def. not make it 42 minutes again.  The theory is that on subsequent days, the babies will go to sleep much faster.  I think tomorrow we will try 15min.  It that doesn’t work, I’m goin in!   It may well have been good for them, but I don’t think the CIO is the method for us.  The five pounds I gained and the 5 years I took off my life with stress just aren’t worth it.   Thats not even including what damage may have been done to the boys.   Here’s hoping for better luck tomorrow. . . 😉

If anyone has a good nap technique, I’d love to hear it!  I’ll (obviously) try just about anything!

Advertisements

Responses

  1. I’m so sorry you guys had a rough time. Your a great mom, just trust in your mommy instincts (they are better than any book or pedi in my opinion)
    Have you tried white noise or sleeping in a swing? I snuggle my guy down and then put him in a moving swing and tuck him in with a paci. But every baby and mommy is different.
    It is so nice that they like to snuggle sleep with you (though I can only imagine it gets rough on you) So sorry. Have you been to the message board at justmommies.com ? there is an attachment parenting board there and the mommies seem to be able to offer alot of ideas and support for sleeping. I’ll keep hoping and praying for sleep for you guys!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and support! The message board is a great idea!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: